We all change/ed

You know there are many reasons why i hate my life.and one of them is because all my friends and i mean all have no connection to me at all i mean not like if we have any similarities or not but as in when we're not it school and i try to contact them online well they either never reply or just ignore my messages and i dont mind that most of the time but the fact that you do it when im in need and the fact that you have a phone 24/7 that you can go on unlike me -.- its just makes me so disaapointed in them and especially in myself that im blaming even my real friends for soemthing that isnt really their fault.I mean come on who am i kidding they have a life,a family and things they could be doing and enjoying not like me always either on the internet telling you guys about my shitty life or just reading a book or sleeping.Even the new freinds that i make online i mean im glad i actually was able to make some but the thing is i always feel so alone and hollow inside like theres no one out there to talk yo and that theyre all too busy to even say hi to me.Am i that bad of a friend to you,am i that boring that you dont even want to say hi to me? another thing  that get me really pissed off eventhough another normal human wouldnt worried over is when someone is talking to you and you show a different side ot you that they havent seen before not a bad side but a side thats either new or that youve kept hidden for a long time.And they ask you have you always been like this?wow,youve changed so much!why have you become like this? And blah blah you know what i mean.

So it just really makes me feel kind of upset and angry at myself really because i start to ask myself have i really changed that much?is this really someone i've been sisnce the start but i never knew about this side of me? well yeah and i just want to answer them soo much but i choose not because i would end up saying something mean or stupid which would obvs make them think 'wow she has obviously changed'.Sometimes people change like that because they've been affected by people.by hate,by getitng used,by torture,by heartbrakes and many other things that would make you feel like you dont even want to live anymore.Sometimes i just sit there and question myself why i've changed so much and who caused it but me being me would never know the answer.am sure i've kind of gone over this topic before right? I know im sorry but the point of making this blog is to write down what im thinking because the way my brain works everyday when something happens my brain starts to works sooo much that it makes me worried its a habit,an addiction and a bad thing so thats the reason behind why i made this blog.not to entertain anyone or try to make you guys feel sorry for me but it judt makes me feel better that someone out there is reading this,maybe not thinking or saying anything but it just calms me down and my thinking so yeah all that up there ^^^^ is what i would have been thinking in my head if i didnt stop by here and just type it down :) Because i feel like my brain and thoughts have calmed down i will be leaving you bye bye.have a great day.i dont really believe in wishes and miracles but i really wish that one day,soon enough i get to meet someone that will stay by my side and make me feel greatful for living in this world.

Its complicated.

Have you ever changed your personality so many times that you cant remember who the real you is?well that's my life right now after I've been pushed around by so many people and felt like i wasn't good enough so i thought the answer to it was to change me but of course i didn't know that that would change my entire life every time and just ruin me.arghhh i need to go back in time and just erase half the people i know out of my life,does anyone else want to do that?

Im watching STEP UP and its actually pretty good eventhough they dance every two seconds :p if you haven't already watched it go and watch it its really cute and musici-fied and what shocked me and made the movie more interesting is the fact that Channing Tatum is in it and he is one of the main characters!! :') isn't there a second movie?well if there is im gunna watch tht one too :D

He has played in all types of movies like wow man can you like dance,fight and do all that shit or did he have to learn it all for the movies?well both ways he is still sexy and hot and one of my Favorite male actors.just look at him!his short hair suits him so much it just makes him more sexier :p

haha dont worry okay? im not going to start fangirling over him for the rest of the post so calm down everyone :)

There are literally one exact month till i finish school and go on holiday because i just wanna get away from everyone :( even the ones i love.Omg i just rememberd theres this really famous dude called Vitaly. heard of him?he is a youtuber and really famous on facebook too :) CLICK ON HERE and check out his funny and hilarious pranks :') yes i know your thinking is this all she does?just go on the internet 24/7 well lets not exaggerate but i spend half of my life on the interent because as i said i am stuck in this house so i cant just go sleep forever coz i dont give up quickly (i think) but i have to do something with my life because when i grow up i dont want to be out of stories for my kids and grandchildren :P.Am so sorry guys for making you listen to my boring life stories but its not like many people read my shit so yeah..anyways guys its time to end this for today and if you've got any suggestions about what you want me to start posting on here then don't be afraid to comment or message me (if there even a way to do tht -.-).

Quote of the day/week

                                                                             Im trying to make the quote as relevant as i can to the subject i talk about but don't excpect too much okay?because i keep on changing the subject every two seconds :P Well i'll see you guys another day.enjoy your time without me :3 byeee

good or bad?

Hey everyone how you been doin'? so today is friday and it was the last day of the school week and we were doing P.E and fridays are always my favourite days because school ends,we can go home and i dont have to see people i hate and i can stay home and watch my beautiful korean dramas :') anyway going back to the point well as i was in a good mood because obvs last day so i go to P.E and we're doin shit and well i have a group that i hang out with but i wouldnt really call them 'real' friends and they use me alot and i know that and this is other girl that i've known for more then 5 years even told me that they're just taking advantage of me and i told her that i know so she asked me why i keep on hanging out with them and even i cant answer that question :/ thats how messed up my life is that i hang out with people that aren't even real and that use me and i know but i dont even care to get up and move away from them because they're ruining my life.:D yes i know im so stupid to let someone actually do that to me :') Back to the story (sorry i keep on going off track) so we were outside and there was a tiny spider on this girls am so everyones there laughing and so im like lets nice and take it off,so i do.Nxt thing i look over at 'my crew' and one of them that i cherish the most is giving me evils and laughing and talking in this other girls ear,ofcourse about me :( It pissed me off that it was her but if it was somone else i wouldnt really give a fuck because she is like the only person that actually gives a damn about me from time to time :) so yeah that broke my heart </3 but you wanna know why the fuck im telling you about my tiny problem? well yesterday i was scrolling down my newsfeed on Fb which is full of quotes and this one came up:

At first i didnt understand what it was trying to say but then when i did i was like oh,so if no one backbites about you then that means they're not jealous or anything? haha i know its not really what it mean but it was something like that right? so yeah,i kinda was like to myself aww no ones ever backbitten me before does that mean they dont give a shit about me? but who would?pfft ;) But next day comes,which is friday (today) and that scene happens ^^^^ and im not sure if i should be more upset over the fact that i just saw someone so dear to me backbite on me or happy and relieved over the fact that they backbited about me and that the quote above just made me feel as if someone out there actually feels jealous of  me :P but maybe just total hatred against me hehe..

I bet if you guys could actually talk to me you would be shouting at me for being so stupid and letting people that i call my 'friends' tample all over me :'( aww damn im going now bye bye poeple.This lonely girl loves you all :* :* <3 <3