We all change/ed

You know there are many reasons why i hate my life.and one of them is because all my friends and i mean all have no connection to me at all i mean not like if we have any similarities or not but as in when we're not it school and i try to contact them online well they either never reply or just ignore my messages and i dont mind that most of the time but the fact that you do it when im in need and the fact that you have a phone 24/7 that you can go on unlike me -.- its just makes me so disaapointed in them and especially in myself that im blaming even my real friends for soemthing that isnt really their fault.I mean come on who am i kidding they have a life,a family and things they could be doing and enjoying not like me always either on the internet telling you guys about my shitty life or just reading a book or sleeping.Even the new freinds that i make online i mean im glad i actually was able to make some but the thing is i always feel so alone and hollow inside like theres no one out there to talk yo and that theyre all too busy to even say hi to me.Am i that bad of a friend to you,am i that boring that you dont even want to say hi to me? another thing  that get me really pissed off eventhough another normal human wouldnt worried over is when someone is talking to you and you show a different side ot you that they havent seen before not a bad side but a side thats either new or that youve kept hidden for a long time.And they ask you have you always been like this?wow,youve changed so much!why have you become like this? And blah blah you know what i mean.

So it just really makes me feel kind of upset and angry at myself really because i start to ask myself have i really changed that much?is this really someone i've been sisnce the start but i never knew about this side of me? well yeah and i just want to answer them soo much but i choose not because i would end up saying something mean or stupid which would obvs make them think 'wow she has obviously changed'.Sometimes people change like that because they've been affected by people.by hate,by getitng used,by torture,by heartbrakes and many other things that would make you feel like you dont even want to live anymore.Sometimes i just sit there and question myself why i've changed so much and who caused it but me being me would never know the answer.am sure i've kind of gone over this topic before right? I know im sorry but the point of making this blog is to write down what im thinking because the way my brain works everyday when something happens my brain starts to works sooo much that it makes me worried its a habit,an addiction and a bad thing so thats the reason behind why i made this blog.not to entertain anyone or try to make you guys feel sorry for me but it judt makes me feel better that someone out there is reading this,maybe not thinking or saying anything but it just calms me down and my thinking so yeah all that up there ^^^^ is what i would have been thinking in my head if i didnt stop by here and just type it down :) Because i feel like my brain and thoughts have calmed down i will be leaving you bye bye.have a great day.i dont really believe in wishes and miracles but i really wish that one day,soon enough i get to meet someone that will stay by my side and make me feel greatful for living in this world.